Five Years Today

Five years today dad. Five years ago I lost you and it took losing you to find myself. Bittersweet doesn’t quite cover it. If you asked me today what you always asked every time we talked - am I happy? The answer would be yes and this time, it wouldn't be a lie. I discovered so many things about myself since then. I discovered that I can step up to the plate and take charge of my life. I can lead and steer the ship back to the shore and make sure the people I love get off safe and sound. I can give up everything I thought I wanted and needed in my life for as long as it takes to make that journey and, at the end, still be okay. I can start again from scratch and be better than I ever was before. I can surprise myself by being braver and stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I can stand in a room with men who respected you and see that I must be doing something right because they respect me too. I can fight to have a street named after you and I can go through your 5,000 + books without dying from allergies – don’t worry, I kept the science fiction collection. I’d never break a promise, especially one I made to you - I can find peace and freedom in knowing that I can go through anything and come out whole on the other side because NOTHING can ever be as bad as losing you. I can sort out your life after your death and in the process sort mine out too. I can turn it all around. Five years ago I lost you and in the process of healing I found who I was always meant to be. I found happiness. Bittersweet doesn’t quite cover it… RIP today and forever.