It
doesn’t seem fair that I have to go through this day twice a year… I never know
how I’m going to feel or what I’m going to say but this line from ‘Dark Knight
Rises’ stuck with me, "Anyone can be a hero. Even a man who put a coat
around a young boy's shoulders to let him know the world hadn't ended."
That’s the kind of man my dad was. The kind of man who wouldn’t hesitate to put
his coat over a complete stranger’s shoulders to let him know he wasn’t alone.
Sometimes that meant working for free for someone who couldn’t afford to pay
him, or landing money to someone who needed it and never asking for it back, or
making someone who was clearly having a hard day smile by telling a silly joke.
To those people he was a hero. To those people and to me.
Not long after he
passed, I was filing papers with the city and I overheard the man in front of
me say, “Nothing is the same around here since Vava died. He was the King.” I
was about to say something like “He was my dad” or “I’m his daughter” but I was
a fly on the wall that day and saying anything at all would have ruined the
moment. He said it not knowing I was standing there. He said it because he
meant it. He said it because it was true.
My dad’s legacy is in these moments,
in the lives he touched and the people he helped, in the selfish less actions,
the values, the generosity, the integrity, the good he did day in and day out
and in a way too, in me. He never talked about it but I witnessed these moments
growing up, people I didn’t know coming up to him to shake his hand and thank
him, and in these moments I was always proud to be a fly on the wall next to
him. He didn’t wear a mask but he gave his coat to anyone who needed it. And
today I miss that coat over my shoulders letting me know my world hasn’t ended
because it sure feels like it has sometimes. But what hurts the most, and
breaks my heart just a little bit more everyday, is knowing that even in the
happiest of moments he won’t be there. He won’t be a fly on the wall next to
me.
And so I wish that just for today, just for today I could rest my head on
his shoulder and tell him about my trip to Sao Luis. Tell him I saw the house
he was born at and felt his spirit everywhere I went and recognized it in
everyone I met. I wish I could let the tears come and go and watch bad sci-fi
on TV while he pretended not to notice his shirt was getting wet. I wish I
could fall asleep like that again just for tonight. Tomorrow I can be strong
again. I can be brave again for him. Te amo pai.
